Justin Kolber
I Swear to Tell the Truth, the Whole Food, and Nothing but the Body
Content warning: This article discusses eating disorders, binge eating, and body image in detail.
Don’t do it, Justin. But I need it. I was sitting in the parking lot of Dunkin’ Donuts in my rusted Toyota Camry filled with fast-food takeout containers, debating my order. I was an OB—original binger. There were no self-checkouts or DoorDash. I had to stare a human being right in the eyes. Rule one was obvious: Don’t just be my true self. Hi, I’m a 28-year-old lawyer, and I’d like to eat twenty of your delicious donuts really fast and then feel like killing myself, please. Maybe I should pretend like I’m ordering for my office’s Friday morning coffee gathering: Umm, someone wanted powdered sugar….. Oh, bear claws? Adrian likes those. Yeah, two dozen should be enough for everyone.
I can run up mountains, do 100 pull-ups, and endure all kinds of physical pain—but procuring food in front of another human being cripples me.
I grabbed my donuts using the No-Frills technique—super-fast and low in tone—then hustled back home alone. I hurriedly dug in, popping those glazed donuts whole like a sad circus pelican. Then I moved onto the salty main event: two supreme pizzas that I had pre-ordered for delivery. Food isn’t supposed to taste this good. Then again, as quickly as I speed gulp everything, do I really taste it? Why can’t I stop? I assumed it was my weak willpower, clueless to the studies showing that ultra-processed food can be as addictive as smoking or gambling.1 Pizza ranks number one in addictive foods, with its holy trinity of cheese, crust, sauce—high fat, high carbs, high salt.2
At least I wasn’t truly alone that evening. My childhood companions are always with me in my DVD collection. Tonight’s viewing was Point Break. It seemed like a goddamn Oscar-worthy picture when consumed alongside fried dough. A washed-up law school graduate who learned to surf as an adult and solved bank heists? And more importantly, served up Keanu Reeves’ dramatic, whimpering, long-eyed vacant stares into a camera? Johnny Utah, you’re my soul mate.
1 https://www.bmj.com/content/383/bmj-2023-075354
2 https://us.cnn.com/2018/12/06/health/pizza-addictive-food-drayer/index.html
Resources:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
https://www.nami.org/
https://anad.org/
For men:
https://www.equimundo.org/about/
https://aibm.org/why-we-exist/focus-areas/mental-health/
A practicing lawyer in Vermont, Justin Kolber is a recovered ripped dude, an athlete, activist, and author of Ripped, the first memoir about the dual extremes of muscle and food disorders. Free newsletter and more info at: www.justinkolber.com